this week has been hard. i have not felt this overwhelmed in such a long time. yesterday we delivered all four bunk beds. and the beds look amazing. this week has been nothing but working hard on the beds. literally so hard. 12 hour days of wood. its hard and not just physically. it is so hard emotionally. we are tired, hungry, thirsty, and it is hard to not be able to let it all out to family at home. there has been no time to be in contact with anyone. on top of all that last night was difficult for me- i think everyone else was excited. there was so much excitement as the beds were being delivered. but something was going on with me. i was in tears basically the entire time. i kept thinking- allison you have seen this all before, you have seen poverty, stayed in poverty- you have done this all before. but for some reason this really affected me. as we were arriving at the first two houses i started to feel overwhelmed. like what are we doing here giving them a bed. i know that sounds bad- thats not what i mean. i just leaned against their house and it was made out of bags and bamboo. and at the second house the mom handed me her baby who had a terrible rash (the baby's body felt like sand paper). one of the families we gave a bunk bed to are so skinny. their stove is a pile of trash and they had been sleeping on rope tied to old wood- im serious. on the way home there were gun shots and we all had to duck. the gun wasnt pointed toward us or anything- but you just dont know. its so dangerous. and i dont know how to explain it. i just felt like where do you start. why are we giving them a bunk bed when they need so much more. dont get me wrong- i am so so happy they have a bed and i am so thankful for everyone who had donated to this project. but my heart was just breaking every second we were delivering the beds. they lack so much. they need so much. the bunkbeds literally took up 75 percent of their houses and it was a miracle that they even fit through the 'doors'. the families were so thankful- the kids thought it was so fun to be on the top bunk. and that felt so good- but for some reason i was really affected last night. God was making me think alot and i think the devil was trying to ruin some of the joy.
on top of all that emotion, the lady who is pregnant who we will help deliver her baby has been overwhelming as well. she is in so much pain and when we were giving her her bunk bed yesterday she couldnt even be outside to say thank you because she was in so much pain. she said that she was for sure that she was going to have her baby last night. so we stayed up all night trying to get ready for the baby in addition to packing to leave for nicaragua (we were supposed to leave at 5 this morning- that didnt happen). so anyways we were up all night- the baby didnt come. so this morning katlyn, michelle, and i went to her house to see how she was feeling when the lady threw us a curve ball. she thinks she is having twins. long story short she refuses to go to a hospital, she refuses to get help. she just wants us. this morning in tears she told us that she is sorry that we cannot leave for our trip but that she needs us. she kept saying, ' i am scared to be alone, i am scared to be alone'. literally if we were to leave to travel she would be completely alone in a cardboard house on the floor delivering twins by herself. this situation is awful- i am so scared to do this as i have never delivered a baby before. seriously this is scary. i am so tired- we all are. so if you are reading this blog right now please pray for us and the lady who is pregnant (her name is milades). love you all- sorry this post is a big depressing, i am just feeling overwhelmed.
Please know that you are all being prayed for. "Our most gracious, giving, caring and healing Father. We are calling upon you now for strength and confidence that you will indeed be with us and guide us in this special delivering of life. Please work through us to know how to help, when to act and what to do. The sites, sounds, smells of this new experience in the beautiful world you created is sometimes overwhelming. To see suffering where there shouldn't be or doesn't have to be is confusing, especially when we come from a place that seems to be in a different time period. We ask for time to think, heal, work and feel how you would have us. Fill our worries and woes with Your love and grace. May Your mercies be upon us as we continue with our journey. May the grace of The Father be with us all.. Amen"
ReplyDeleteAs I write this prayer please know that my thoughts are with you all and I am so incredibly proud of you. Please give yourselves time in the day to breathe, laugh, cry or just be. Love to you all Momma Griff
Dan, I was in tears reading this and feeling your helplessness and fear. We will pray for you all. Remember that although you feel you are not doing enough, you are there and active. You are both brightening these peoples lives by showing them that someone cares, loves them, and wants to help them. I know you wish you could do more than give them a bed to sleep in, but you have... you have shown them love and that is most often the biggest gift you can give. Try not to let feeling helpless overcome you, God is with you in this journey. There is injustice everywhere in this world, opening yourself up to question why will overwhelm you. All you can do is trust in God, pray for his help and guidance, and know he walks with you daily. Hand over to him your heavy, overwhelmed heart and pray for him to guide you the rest of the way in this journey. Know that you are touching lives both there and here. We are so proud of you, you all inspire us to do more. We love you, you and Ally are in our thoughts and prayers. Be safe, God Bless.
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